Resistance causes persistence

Notice that whatever you don’t want is what you get most of the times. Simply said ‘Whatever you resist, will persist’. So look at your life and start to notice what all you resist. Traffic, scolding parent, nagging spouse, or rebellious child, etc...... how much ever you resist, you notice they never change.

I notice I resist the laziness my son shows and he continues being that way. I don’t like he being clumsy and distracted. And my dislike seems to increase that behaviour in him. Is my dislike (resistance) causing him being that way? Maybe !!!!!

And so, the more you’ll resist, the more they’ll be that way. Would you want to Stop resisting and have peace and freedom in your life? Choice is yours.

A peaceful day 😊

Relationships and Life

Relationships, as we understand, comes from the relatedness we share with anything. It could be a living being, a thing or an abstract. We focus so much on our relationship with other human beings only that we don’t realise how our relationship with other abstracts like time, past, present, integrity, gravity, language, etc.... is impacting us.

Many of your challenges will get resolved when you get this. My relationship with money used to be that “too much money corrupts mind”, and so “so should have only enough money to survive” and so that’s how I lived.  I would have money but only that much money where I don’t need to struggle. I never would have abundance since that would take away my peace of mind.

So because of these conversations, money occurred like a necessary evil to me. And hence money never found itself comfortable with me 😊. Then I realised that these conversations (which are not real) about money affected the flow of money into my life. I could give up those conversations and create freedom with money. That started to help me take actions around finance. where from sufficiency, I could reach having abundance around money.

Start looking at your relationship with each one of these. It may give you the much awaited answers to your life. To start with ask what’s your relationship with money, with time, with now???? A present morning 😊

Me and my silence

About a decade ago, I had a family with 2 children and an intelligent man as my spouse. Also both of us had jobs(according to our qualification) that paid us well. As per the standard of the society, this is a normal happy life. Right? And I had that. But I was still irritated, angry, unsatisfied and felt unloved. 

Then came the biggest blow of my life. The event that turned my life’s track. The death of my daughter and in laws in an accident. This event had the power to cut me away from life or awaken me to life. The choice was to me made by me. That’s when my journey to discovering who I am started. Yes, I chose to wake up to life. In that process, another blow was waiting in the corner for me. My spouse wanting divorce from me. Even there I had a choice to become a victim or have the power to give him(and myself) freedom. I chose the latter. 

I also chose to quit the well paying corporate job to work with adults and children to enable them to discover themselves. 

And every choice I made was the result of the silence within. The silence where conversation with self became possible. Where I could meet myself. 

Today I have myself and my son and I’m a life educator. According to the standards of the society, this may be an average sad life. But I’m so peaceful, happy, content and satisfied. 

So for self, success and silence (within) go hand in hand. And my life is for my sake. Not to look good to the society. Dow whom do you want to make choices? 

A week full of choices 😊

Succeed to fail

We are all so wired to success as a high paying job, a house and a car and a happy(smiling) family. But people who have reached here know that this is not success for them and doesn’t make them happy. So then what’s success actually? Thats different for each of us. Just listening to people is success for me, teaching to children may be success for another, baking a cake may be success, just having time for self may be success for someone. Success need not be big things. So are you interested to know what’s success for you? Then ask yourself.

But notice where you search for the answer. You search your memory where knowledge about success is stored. But that was told to you by the society or your parents or your friends or due to peer pressure. “It Is a very competitive world”, “we have to be updated with recent news”, “Money and position are the measures of success”. From where did we get all this that you are so gripped by these? We even facilitate only those who produce results and not the ones who think differently or those who take risk and fail. And we still forward messages telling others to take risk and think differently 😃. So where are you looking for the answer to what’s success? Discover. 

 A discovering morning😃

Your mind and You

This is so easy to say right? It’s like telling a fish to conquer water or telling a wild animal to conquer the forest it lives in. And that looks absurd. How can a fish conquer water? Does the fish even know water is separate from it? I don’t know. Should ask the fish right??😃

Likewise, Are you different from your mind or are you your mind? Are you controlling your mind or is your mind controlling you? Tough questions right? When I started to just enquire and look, I heard many voices in my head conflicting each other or supporting each other. When I looked further I heard two voices prominently. My mind (conditioned) and one more voice. Let’s name it my conscious. Ok? Then I started the practise of moment by moment noticing what my mind was thinking. I called it the chattering of my mind. Then I saw whatever my mind was saying, I (my conscious) started to question from where it’s coming(source of that thought) and what emotion I am feeling with that thought. If the feeling was empowering, then I would listen to that, else discard it. I also started to notice that it became difficult when in a dilemma, I would either resist my mind or submit to my mind. I thought submitting was acceptance. Recently I discovered that was just compromising. 

Regarding what’s acceptance, I’m still discovering. Will share later. 

How about u and I starting to notice those voices? Maybe you can then make them your friends? 

A noticing day 😃

You and conditioning

Continuing from what I posted yesterday about our belief regarding happiness and sadness, I see that, every other thought that I have is not my thought at all. It’s something being told to me since my birth. So every single thought that I have is told to me. It’s not me. But I defend these thoughts as if they are mine and while defending, I miss on actual life happening in front of me. I miss on relationships because I focus on defending and fighting for my thoughts. How absurd isn’t it?

So It’s our beliefs that create the reality for us. These beliefs take the form of superstitions that control our life’s. The more you say it’s not a superstition, it continues to be a superstition and controls your life. The moment you accept it as a superstition, then it no longer is a superstition and it’s grip on you loosens. That’s when you win and can create a new reality devoid of the belief. Start to recognise beliefs as beliefs and not reality for you to see new realities that you want.

And once you can get that those beliefs and thoughts are not yours, you can stop fighting for them and start to value relationships more than those thoughts and beliefs.

A real morning 😊

Happy to be sad

I’ve learnt to value my fear, my insecurities, my anger and my weaknesses. Because it’s by valuing and facing these and going beyond, that I could see life, love and aliveness. So friends, don’t shun them or escape them or try to get rid of them. Love them too, for they are the bridge to what you are looking for.

And crossing that bridge of insecurities requires you to face them, acknowledge them and love them the way they are. And when you do that, even the so called negative emotion will stop troubling you. It’s like inviting yourself to be happy when you are sad. Weird right? I discovered this when I realised that I can be sad because I know what happiness is. Means I’ve been happy many times. Then why not experience sadness that way only and be grateful to life. So let’s learn to be happy to be sad. That’s our humanity right? (Maybe That’s what we call as crying to your hearts content).

So You are perfect the way you are. Even with flaws. By the way, who labelled them as flaws?? Ask yourself this. And once you get the answer, take a walk with your flaws and chill.

A chill morning 😃 (it’s very chilly and cold outside too)

Re-membering self

I’ve heard youngsters saying to parents out of irritation “please let me be myself”. And they get so pissed off when you tell them what to do. This is a place for that teenager to discover herself/himself. You and I probably did not have this courage with our society. And so we became a product of everyone including ourselves. But the real you is somewhere down in the basement of your conscious and so have forgotten that. Give yourself that time to re-member (becoming a member of yourself again) and enjoy with that you all over again.

So Re-member. You and I were born as an empty slate. Then the family, society and relatives influenced our mind and programmed us to believe what they believed. And they thought what they believed is the truth. Now you think that what you believe is truth. “Finding yourself”, is to be informed by the beliefs but know that you are not those beliefs and to uncollapse yourself from the programming and conditioning that you’ve gone through. That’s re-membering.  That requires willingness. Are you willing to re-member yourself with yourself?

A willing morning 😃

who am I?

We all preach this to each other. But when it comes to loosing something, I’ve noticed I become panicky and don’t trust this. But I’m clear that whatever I’m entitled to, will anyways come to me and whatever is not for me will eventually leave me. Gaining and loosing is an integral part of life. It’s time to accept this wholeheartedly.

Knowing this is not making much of a difference to me right now. I’m still sad as my partner is behaving like a stranger with me. It hurts. I’m still afraid of whether I’ll get him back or not. So what if he doesn’t come back? Asks my mind and I say nothing will happen.  I’m having this dialogue with my mind. And at one point I accept that what is so is that, right now he’s not accessible. Tomorrow is another day and it’s uncertain. Anything is possible. I have no control over it. All I can control is who I am being on the face of this situation. That’s my word to myself. I’m love and compassion and adventurous. So here I am loving him as before. 😃

An accepting morning 😊

Fact or fiction?

More than often, we tend to collapse our feelings with the actual fact and tweak it to make it the way we want to think about it. And then we add some thoughts from our past to make it more dramatic. As a result the fact or ‘whatever happened’ doesn’t remain just as that. It becomes something different with our feelings and past thoughts added. And the drama starts in our own mind and in reality. Wow. A great recipe to complicate our life’s, right??😃.

For example, when my son said that he didn’t want to go to school, I got angry and anxious, not on what he said. But the meaning I put to what he said. And the meaning I put was, that maybe he’s acting like this because I didn’t give him enough time and I’m an incapable mother. Guilt also came up. I started blaming myself and the drama started in my mind. For some time I indulged in that drama. After some time I asked myself is this what my son meant or I’m only making up that meaning. The best way was to ask him and I did ask. And the answer was so simple and nothing to do with me being a mother. He was happy with me but unhappy with something happening in school which when we spoke, we resolved. So simple right?

So Just separate the fact from your feelings and thoughts and you’ll make your life simple.

A simple morning 😊

Trusting love

In my last blog I shared how I’m learning to love just to love irrespective of other person receiving it or reciprocating to it. Today I’m seeing what may stop the other person from receiving my love. One way to look at is that they are not understanding my language of love. They may not be able to trust that someone can love without expecting too. Start to see that we have stopped trusting completely. If someone does something for us, we suspect that they have an agenda.

 And if someone is nice to you, you can’t take it on face value many times. And if a close family member scolds you, you get angry rather than getting their love. It’s because they love you that they scold you when they fear something is not working with you. So the language of love is different for different people.

And so when people in your life love you in a language you don’t understand. For ex., mother scolding you is her love, father stops you out of love , husband or wife preaches out of concern...... But We end up seeing the tone and words used rather seeing the love behind that. Let’s start to discover the love behind everything with our loved ones and learning to trust when anyone speaks lovingly to us.

A trusting day to you 😊

Love just to love

So no matter how fully equipped you are in life, there are things that make us realise that we are still not fully prepared for those uncertainties in life that can take us off guard.

Right now in my life, I love someone very dearly and it was going very well when suddenly he didn’t want me anymore in his life. However strong I claim I am or being a counsellor I know how to handle such situations, right now I’m vulnerable and I’m happy to be so since I’m human and I don’t need to be strong and happy always. Also I don’t need to have all answers too.

So I have questions. 😃. Like, should my loving him depend on whether he loves me on not? Or should I love him only if he behaves in a particular way? Does he not wanting me means there is something wrong in me? Or How can he behave this way? Or Is he worthy of my love?

Oh god..... questions are valid, but is it a must that I need to find answers? I’ve realised that having questions is enough. Answers not required. And I can still make a choice. A choice to be someone I love to be. To love him irrespective of how he is or how he behaves. If he doesn’t receive my love, he’s the looser isn’t it? I still get to love him and I’m at peace. So I’m right now there in that space of love and compassion for him.

I chose to share my life here so that you may find something for your life. If so do share with me.

A compassionate day to you 

Integrity

“Without integrity nothing works”. 

Just like a house cannot and I repeat cannot be constructed without a foundation, life will not work without integrity. Integrity is the foundation of a life that works. I’m not saying you cannot live your life without integrity. You will live, but you will not live the way you want. There will be no workability in your life. 

Just like gravity is a must to have a workable physical condition on this earth to live, integrity is critical to create a condition of workability in our life’s. 

The basic level of having integrity in our life is to honour and respect our own word or promises to our own self and others. Simple things u can start with are,

Do I go for morning walks as I promised myself previous night?

Am I eating healthy as I promised or am I getting tempted?

Am I honouring my word to my child to spend time with him/her?

Did I call back my spouse as I promised or did I think she/he will understand?

Etc, etc ...............

How about spending this week becoming aware of this and acknowledging your broken promises to people in your life and to yourself??

A week of workability to all 👍

My morning 🙃

Today I woke up sad ☹️ feeling not wanted and unloved. I’m filled with doubting my own capabilities. Initially (at 5.15 am) I didn’t want to go for my walk. One voice in my head told me let’s not go today since I’m feeling low. Then another voice in my head said, ‘more the reason that you should go for walk so that you’ll feel fresh’. So now I was in two minds and I had to make a choice. Then I remembered my promise to myself that I’ll go walking everyday. I chose to honour that word and promise and went out for walk.

Even though I’m still not as excited to start the day, I’m glad I didn’t give in to my reasons and I honoured my word. At least that guilt didn’t get added. Also now I’m able to see that ‘I’m unwanted and unloved’ is all my own mind telling me and that’s not true. Even doubting myself is my own thoughts that if allowed can grip me for a long time.

Now, I choose to look forward for life standing in the present moment and experiencing the joy (also the sadness) right now.

A pleasant and a present day to you 😃🙃

Life and You

What a wonderful expression of word, commitment and choice. I completely connect to this poem.  Taken from the collection of poems by Rupi Kaur, I wanted to share this with you all. I’m sure all of you will connect to this in your own way. 

When it comes to listening to life, I remember the arrogance that I was 10 years back refusing to let go of my righteousness and then life gave me a blow. An accident in which I lost my daughter and in laws. Then I woke up to life and started listening and learnt what’s being responsible. I learnt how my use of language impacts my life and living. And I started to speak responsibly with myself and others. 

Finally when I had to raise my son single handedly, I learnt the power of choosing. Choosing life the way it is and loving it that way as it is. I found peace and joy. But before that struggle I did. A long struggle that gave me the strength to stand the other blows of life. 

Do share what comes up for you as you read this poem. Have a thoughtful day. 

Failed success

Whenever I ask myself or others as to why they don’t take risk in life, I’ve heard only one reason. That is fear of failure. Everyone including me feel I can’t handle failure and no one likes to fail. We all know this. Right? And we all feel that, that’s the reason we are not successful the way we want. But is this really how it is? Consider for a moment that it’s not failure you and I are fearful of. It’s Success that you and I are fearful of. What? Really? 

Yes. You and I are fearful and afraid of being successful. Because if that happens, then you will see your own power and capacity which you are afraid to see. And once that happens, then you need to sustain that and it needs effort, which is uncomfortable. 

So better be where I am and tell myself that I’m afraid to fail. That’s very easy and I see myself doing that every moment. I’m yet to discover a tangent to break off from that loop. If you have discovered, please post here. 

A successful day to you 😃

My feedback to self 😉

I don’t know what to share today. I’m thinking I should share something appropriate or something that others will like. If what I post is not good, then what will people think of me? So I’m wondering how my life is controlled by what others think even though they don’t say anything. What they think about me takes the centre stage in my decision making. How absurd right? And the most funniest is that what others may be thinking is also my thinking. Oh god!!!! This is stressing me out. Can’t I only think of what I mean to myself and what I think? I can. And that needs effort and practice.

And if every human beings starts to think for themselves, wouldn’t the world be a more authentic place to live in? Wouldn’t we stop looking good for others? Wouldn’t that reduce stress in us and make us happier?

I’m starting that practice. Would you join me in this?

Enjoy the weekend that’s in front of you and feel blessed. 

Intention

We all have millions of thoughts that run in our minds every minute but very few we become aware of. In those that we become aware of, some are important for us which we think more number of times. And very few become our priorities.

 They could be thoughts that take us to the future or that push us back to the past. The ones that push us to the past will either make us worry and suffer (if it’s a past failure) or take us on an ego trip (if it’s a past success). 

 The ones that take us to the future become what we call as goals or intention or dreams. When you start to articulate them in language and share with people, then intention starts it’s journey towards reality. And when action is added, it actually manifests in the physical reality. 

And you have a choice to choose which thought you want to choose to give importance to. That which takes you back to the past or that which pulls you into the future. 

Happy choosing 😉

Happy to be sad 😃

I was watching the movie ‘Inside Out’ yesterday and realised the importance of both joy and sadness. Joy has no value if sadness is not experienced. Being together with someone has no value if you don’t know what’s it to be alone. Each state that we experience has its own beauty to it. That’s what makes life beautiful. But why is it that we suffer when we are sad or alone? It’s not because of sadness or being alone, it’s because of what we tell to ourselves about ourself and others that makes us suffer. Sentences like ‘I am not worthy’, ‘I’m incapable’ or ‘No body loves me’ make us suffer. Even though  none of this is true, it occurs so real to us when we are sad. 

So what we need to give up are those conversations. Then even being sad would be fine for you. At least I’ve started to be ‘happy to be sad’ 😃. Isn’t that amazing? 

A happy day to you all

Humility

The Pandavas or the five senses go through the struggle in the forest or go through the trials and tribulations of life, and then develop the compassion, strength and the need for unity to win the ultimate battle. The Kauravas are indulged in their wilderness of physical and mental realm. And hence have no learning of themselves. They think that they are tricking the Pandavas, but the truth was they were tricking themselves. Shakuni’s actual intention is to destroy Kauravas right? If you relate your ego to Shakuni, whom is it destroying? Being with you it’s destroying you. Dhritarashtra,  your desires push you to destruction of self. Bheeshma, Drona or Karna, your conscious is helpless even though they know you are on the wrong track unaware of the reality.

So wake up and have a straight talk with your Shakuni to shut up. Do give a listening to the Bheeshma in you. And stop expecting only happy and desirable situations to happen. Welcome and embrace breakdowns too in your life. There’s lot of learning that’ll humble you and teach you humanity and humility.

Have a day full of humility. 😃😇

Forgiving

In my experience, this doesn’t work. Just like being patient for another fosters expectations, forgiving another for the fear of loosing them also fosters expectations. It hurts more when you forgive another just because you may loose them if you don’t. And that’s highly inauthentic. 

Now forgiving someone who has not valued me is an act done for my own peace of mind. If I carry the resentment, then it’ll burn me only. The other person will not even get to know what’s happening with me. So holding on to the anger or hurt or resentment on the other person will only stop me from being alive and happy. So it’s self harm. And it’s absurd to harm myself for someone else’s behaviour. 

So I’m taking on to forgive everyone around me for my own peace of mind. That gives me power. What would u choose to do my dear friend?

A peaceful day to you 😃