Who is responsible for you and your life?

 A friend of mine came over to my house. Her husband was supposed to pick her up sometime, so I asked her if she had enough time to drink tea, and she said she could. So I went to prepare tea. As the tea was prepared and I was about to serve, she got a call from her husband and he said I am coming to pick you up now, come out of the house and it is urgent. So she panicked and said 'I am so sorry, I cannot drink tea'. I said he would take 2 minutes to come, you stand out and drink your tea. And I went out to see if he had arrived. But by then my friend had already gulped the hot tea and I was shocked. She said he would be angry if I didn't listen to him and she ran down. He came only after another couple of minutes. By then she would have leisurely drank tea and calmly waited outside. This example was that of a wife, but this could happen vice versa too. The husband might be fearful of the wife. 

Pause for a while and ask yourself what would you have done in such a situation.

My other question here is who is the victim and who is the perpetrator. Initially, I felt angry with the husband, but deeper deliberation told me that he was not responsible. It was my friend who was responsible for her emotions for panicking unnecessarily. All she had to do was, when the husband called and said it was urgent, she had to communicate to him that tea was prepared and I would drink it and be there in 5 minutes. This communication would have created an understanding. Then she could have drank tea standing out watching out for his arrival. 

This episode made me realise that many women who complain about their spouses or are afraid of communicating are clear that it is hard to communicate with their spouses. They sit with "He won't listen" or "he won't understand", "he will scold", etc..... They either submit to that or they resist and fight it. Both create resentment over a period of time and they continue to blame the spouse in their minds or openly gossip about it. And this makes them a victim.

So, ask yourself this question, am I living a life of a victim and blaming my spouse for the way my life turned out? 

Join us in this safe space where you can explore such themes that can shift the quality of your life... I can be contacted on 9845351105

Are we addicted to struggle and hard work?

 

"Stop swimming so hard and hop into the boat." Rumi says this aptly. Let's Pause for a while to dig deeper into this statement and see its profoundness. 

As humans evolved, our ancestors faced multiple dangers and threats, and they had to fight for survival. Hence, over time, we got genetically programmed to react to such threats and worry and stress became a part of our survival instincts. Today, if someone doesn't take stress or doesn't react much, they are called irresponsible and lazy. People are expected to struggle and be extremely hard-working to be recognised. They need to adhere to the culture, and rules of society and be good to everyone. As humans evolved and our bodies and minds developed, these societal conditions have become barriers to authentic expressions and hence life turns into a struggle. 

How about we consider that as our brains are evolving in thinking, we are forgetting to feel and hence emotions are being neglected. This is very detrimental to us humans and whatever stress we are facing is due to that neglect. In fact, it is the balance of thinking and feeling that connects to the consciousness. "Feelings lead us to consciousness" is what neuroscientist Antonio Damasio says and he is clear that we need to connect to our emotions to reach higher consciousness. When we can connect to our feelings and listen to the messages they give, we then can hop onto the boat of consciousness which then will build our trust in divine intervention. This will help us reduce our struggle and just do what is needed and required and have faith in the divine doing its job. This is complete surrender. I have experienced this leading to a very simple lifestyle where I have all the time in the world to do everything that I want to do and earn myself the life that I deserve. I have stopped worrying about making mistakes or worrying about what people will think. I just take the required actions and allow the result or consequences to emerge. If it's an unpleasant result, then I work towards acknowledging and accepting that wholeheartedly believing that's happened for my highest good. So let's learn to hop on the boat of divine guidance by accepting the reality the way it is and believing everything is happening for my highest good even though I can't understand that. 

This requires you to slow down a little and explore yourself through mindfulness and becoming aware of your emotions. Join us at Bhaavtharang to explore yourself...

Happy Makar Sankranthi

 

When I was young, during the festival of Sankranthi which is celebrated in January (when harvesting happens), my mother would ask me to dress well and carry the ‘Yellu-Bella’ mixture and distribute it to all the neighbours in our vicinity. I used to wonder what’s the logic of this. I wouldn’t like it. But today I’m able to comprehend that this practice was to introduce me to the bigger world around me other than my family. Normally girls who are around 8 to 10 years of age are dressed up and they accompany the elders who go and share the Yellu-Bella, a sugarcane piece, and a sugar candy which indicates sharing of sweetness with others. Wow, what a beautiful way to safely and in a celebrating way to make me comfortable meeting people outside my family. Yes, each festival has a significant contribution to learning to be social and bond with our environment. 

To understand the festival's connection with the universe, this period is a celebration of the sun's journey from the southern to the northern hemisphere. That's why it is called "Makara Sankranthi" which literally translates to Capricorn Transition. Capricorn is a zodiac sign.

Also probably in olden times, winter used to be severe and people's mobility would have reduced and when the sun shifts, this is the apt time to celebrate and share resources with. each other as they also harvest. Socialising in their homes and getting more personal would do a lot of good to the individuals and the community.

Also in the winter, we need oil to nourish our bodies which the yellu, cobbri and groundnut provide. Everything is so aligned with nature. And it is celebrated differently in other states. In Gujarat, it’s the kite festival (symbolising the transition of the sun believing that the sun rays during this period have healing properties), Pongal in Tamilnadu (signifying harvesting), West Bengal celebrates Ganga Sagar Mela, Maharashtra celebrates through colourful rangoli, Deepothsava in Punjab and so on….. Each state has its own creative and local way of celebrating the community. And research now has shown us how important social and community bonding is to our health and well-being. Our ancestors knew that without research. So let’s celebrate our festivities with respect and reverence. 

Happy Sankranthi or Happy Pongal 🥰

DO YOU VALUE YOUR CONTRIBUTION?

Today, a friend shared with me, “My husband wants to buy a property, and he is cribbing that if I had contributed to the income of the house, he would be able to buy a better property, so he questioned me on what am I contributing to the house, and this was so hurting, and I didn’t know what to say”. 

This got me thinking about how much significance and importance we have given to the man-made resource called MONEY and that we demean the contributions of our dear family in creating love, care, and compassion. My friend was working until she gave birth to her first child and then the second, and she is already made to feel that she is good for nothing as she is sitting at home earning nothing.

We have all given so much importance to money that it devalues the services of a mother, wife or daughter-in-law. Let us ask ourselves, Is money as worthy as what a wife or a mother provides? Have we given so much power to money that we devalue and demean our own loved ones’ contributions to our lives? Is earning money for the family the only contribution anyone can make?

Money is a resource that we have that fulfils our needs, just like water, earth, fire, etc.. We are yet to comprehend the importance of nature-made resources, but money has raced ahead to take the first place on the stage that it just doesn’t allow us to look around and value the invaluable service our loved ones are doing for us. 

The woman, who is now the mother, is feeding and nurturing your own biological children, but you end up questioning what’s your contribution. The women also may be caring for your own parents, but you ask, what’s your contribution? The woman is keeping the home clean and cooking for you at home, and she’s asked what your contribution is. Let alone what other say, even the woman starts to believe that I am worthless since I am not contributing. Then, what is she doing when she is cooking with love, caring for the kids, making the house into a home or creating a safe place for her family to reside peacefully? 

The woman is waiting for the man or the others in the family to approve and validate her actions, but is she validating or approving herself? Does she believe she is worthy and invaluable? If she doesn’t believe in herself, then what hope is left that the others will see her efforts?  She also ends up believing money is more important than herself. 

Now it’s time for you women to begin to stand up for yourself, or money will win the battle. Now, it’s time for you men to stand up for your women, or money will win the battle. And you know money can’t buy love, family or happiness. 

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