INNER CRITIC AND CRITICAL THINKING

Yesterday, I received a forwarded message on a WhatsApp group, which was about a climatic phenomenon (Aphelion phenomenon), and the message claimed it would be colder this year than last. My curiosity and my critical thinking awoke, and I asked Google, and the truth was that this phenomenon happens every year, and the message is false. All it took was 2 minutes of my time and a bit of curiosity to look if the message was indeed true. I used my discretion to uncover the truth for myself and communicated to the group that the news is false. After a few hours, I was surprised to see the same forward in another group by a very intelligent friend of mine. For a few seconds, I did get irritated, but then sense prevailed, and I started to contemplate writing this blog. Whenever we agree to what we hear or what we see, do we question the validity or the authenticity of it, or do we just blindly believe and agree? 

After a day, another realisation happened. I was chanting a Shiva Thandava Sthotra, and there is one word "mathirmama" which I was unsure of whether it is right because many video sources on YouTube said "rathirmama". Now, a question arose in my mind: should I agree with the source I had found as authentic, which was only one source or the YouTube videos, where many videos say "rathirmama"? The automatic brain said, since many videos are saying "rathirmama", let's agree with that, because my mind is also programmed to agree with the majority or the consensus. What if the majority is wrong? What should I do? My inner voice says, It's safe to agree with the majority since it sounds familiar and a bit more certain. 

In the pursuit of certainty and familiarity, humankind has diverted towards consensual understanding. This type of understanding comes from the fear of being abandoned or rejected by the community or society if what is largely agreed upon is questioned, which is what critical thinkers do. Most of our criticisms are happening either within ourselves, claiming how not good enough we are or in the form of complaining or cribbing. This is the Inner Critic that stops us from disagreeing with something that the majority believe, even when we think otherwise, because we don't want to be left alone, away from society. Are we all so afraid of ourselves or over-dependent on society that we are ready to kill our authenticity to belong?

There is a minority of people who stand alone and rebel against the standard norms of society, who are called the Critical Thinkers. However, the percentage of such thinkers is meagre since it requires immense courage and resilience to be one. Such thinkers are very rare since our education system also doesn't like children who question. And so we are raised with an instruction to "not question educators or authorities" which then becomes our inner voice. But, my question is, if the existing standard or norms or culture is not questioned, how can change and progress be possible? So the difference between inner critic and critical thinking is that inner critic, even though it protects, limits progress, but critical thinking can help cultures and societies move forward and progress to a new milestone.

The courage to go beyond the inner voice and critic, and actually question the workability of a widely accepted belief or standard, is something that I want to do. My inner critic says, "What will people think?", and I say, "Let them think what they want to think, at least I will be fulfilled for having lived my truth". Leaders who are outrageous do it on a bigger platform, like politics, environmentalists, or activists, but I shall do it by listening to people's rudimentary standards, acknowledging them, and then subtly questioning the validity in their present life and making them think. This is my path to bringing a change and leaving my mark in this big, busy world. What's your path? 

Dr. Padmashree G S

BHAAVTHARANG - where authenticity meets safety

Judgment or reality? Learn to distinguish

Lately, I’ve noticed that I’m judging people a lot, and I don’t like that. That’s why when someone tells me I’m judging them, I feel angry 😠. But that’s true, right? I’m actually judging someone, and no one likes to be judged, including me. 

I also realised that it’s human to judge. How else will my brain protect me? It’s by judging and evaluating everything around me that my nervous system gets the signals of threat, which helps me protect myself. So it’s natural for me to judge others, and it’s natural for others to judge me. 

Then, where does the problem arise? The problem arises when I start to believe others' judgment of me as true and think that I’m responsible for their opinions and judgments. And all of us are doing this. Most of us at least. 

After realising this, I’ve decided to allow people to judge me and allow myself to judge others.  Now you may think this is really difficult. No. It is not. The moment I know others' opinions are coming from their judgments, I am relieved that that’s not the reality or the truth. It’s only someone’s judgment or opinion, and so I don't allow that opinion to stay in my brain.

Is this really easy? It's not easy, but it's possible. For this, I need to learn to trust myself and accept myself the way I am with all the good, bad and ugly parts of me. To do this, I need to take the support of my breath and body. Learning a simple exercise called PAUSE or GROUNDING can begin to take me on the path of accepting myself.

To travel on this path of self-discovery and self-acceptance, contact us on bhaavtharang.com or call Dr.Padmashree at 9845351105 or Yamini 9686108199

Who is responsible for you and your life?

 A friend of mine came over to my house. Her husband was supposed to pick her up sometime, so I asked her if she had enough time to drink tea, and she said she could. So I went to prepare tea. As the tea was prepared and I was about to serve, she got a call from her husband and he said I am coming to pick you up now, come out of the house and it is urgent. So she panicked and said 'I am so sorry, I cannot drink tea'. I said he would take 2 minutes to come, you stand out and drink your tea. And I went out to see if he had arrived. But by then my friend had already gulped the hot tea and I was shocked. She said he would be angry if I didn't listen to him and she ran down. He came only after another couple of minutes. By then she would have leisurely drank tea and calmly waited outside. This example was that of a wife, but this could happen vice versa too. The husband might be fearful of the wife. 

Pause for a while and ask yourself what would you have done in such a situation.

My other question here is who is the victim and who is the perpetrator. Initially, I felt angry with the husband, but deeper deliberation told me that he was not responsible. It was my friend who was responsible for her emotions for panicking unnecessarily. All she had to do was, when the husband called and said it was urgent, she had to communicate to him that tea was prepared and I would drink it and be there in 5 minutes. This communication would have created an understanding. Then she could have drank tea standing out watching out for his arrival. 

This episode made me realise that many women who complain about their spouses or are afraid of communicating are clear that it is hard to communicate with their spouses. They sit with "He won't listen" or "he won't understand", "he will scold", etc..... They either submit to that or they resist and fight it. Both create resentment over a period of time and they continue to blame the spouse in their minds or openly gossip about it. And this makes them a victim.

So, ask yourself this question, am I living a life of a victim and blaming my spouse for the way my life turned out? 

Join us in this safe space where you can explore such themes that can shift the quality of your life... I can be contacted on 9845351105

Are we addicted to struggle and hard work?

 

"Stop swimming so hard and hop into the boat." Rumi says this aptly. Let's Pause for a while to dig deeper into this statement and see its profoundness. 

As humans evolved, our ancestors faced multiple dangers and threats, and they had to fight for survival. Hence, over time, we got genetically programmed to react to such threats and worry and stress became a part of our survival instincts. Today, if someone doesn't take stress or doesn't react much, they are called irresponsible and lazy. People are expected to struggle and be extremely hard-working to be recognised. They need to adhere to the culture, and rules of society and be good to everyone. As humans evolved and our bodies and minds developed, these societal conditions have become barriers to authentic expressions and hence life turns into a struggle. 

How about we consider that as our brains are evolving in thinking, we are forgetting to feel and hence emotions are being neglected. This is very detrimental to us humans and whatever stress we are facing is due to that neglect. In fact, it is the balance of thinking and feeling that connects to the consciousness. "Feelings lead us to consciousness" is what neuroscientist Antonio Damasio says and he is clear that we need to connect to our emotions to reach higher consciousness. When we can connect to our feelings and listen to the messages they give, we then can hop onto the boat of consciousness which then will build our trust in divine intervention. This will help us reduce our struggle and just do what is needed and required and have faith in the divine doing its job. This is complete surrender. I have experienced this leading to a very simple lifestyle where I have all the time in the world to do everything that I want to do and earn myself the life that I deserve. I have stopped worrying about making mistakes or worrying about what people will think. I just take the required actions and allow the result or consequences to emerge. If it's an unpleasant result, then I work towards acknowledging and accepting that wholeheartedly believing that's happened for my highest good. So let's learn to hop on the boat of divine guidance by accepting the reality the way it is and believing everything is happening for my highest good even though I can't understand that. 

This requires you to slow down a little and explore yourself through mindfulness and becoming aware of your emotions. Join us at Bhaavtharang to explore yourself...

Happy Makar Sankranthi

 

When I was young, during the festival of Sankranthi which is celebrated in January (when harvesting happens), my mother would ask me to dress well and carry the ‘Yellu-Bella’ mixture and distribute it to all the neighbours in our vicinity. I used to wonder what’s the logic of this. I wouldn’t like it. But today I’m able to comprehend that this practice was to introduce me to the bigger world around me other than my family. Normally girls who are around 8 to 10 years of age are dressed up and they accompany the elders who go and share the Yellu-Bella, a sugarcane piece, and a sugar candy which indicates sharing of sweetness with others. Wow, what a beautiful way to safely and in a celebrating way to make me comfortable meeting people outside my family. Yes, each festival has a significant contribution to learning to be social and bond with our environment. 

To understand the festival's connection with the universe, this period is a celebration of the sun's journey from the southern to the northern hemisphere. That's why it is called "Makara Sankranthi" which literally translates to Capricorn Transition. Capricorn is a zodiac sign.

Also probably in olden times, winter used to be severe and people's mobility would have reduced and when the sun shifts, this is the apt time to celebrate and share resources with. each other as they also harvest. Socialising in their homes and getting more personal would do a lot of good to the individuals and the community.

Also in the winter, we need oil to nourish our bodies which the yellu, cobbri and groundnut provide. Everything is so aligned with nature. And it is celebrated differently in other states. In Gujarat, it’s the kite festival (symbolising the transition of the sun believing that the sun rays during this period have healing properties), Pongal in Tamilnadu (signifying harvesting), West Bengal celebrates Ganga Sagar Mela, Maharashtra celebrates through colourful rangoli, Deepothsava in Punjab and so on….. Each state has its own creative and local way of celebrating the community. And research now has shown us how important social and community bonding is to our health and well-being. Our ancestors knew that without research. So let’s celebrate our festivities with respect and reverence. 

Happy Sankranthi or Happy Pongal 🥰

DO YOU VALUE YOUR CONTRIBUTION?

Today, a friend shared with me, “My husband wants to buy a property, and he is cribbing that if I had contributed to the income of the house, he would be able to buy a better property, so he questioned me on what am I contributing to the house, and this was so hurting, and I didn’t know what to say”. 

This got me thinking about how much significance and importance we have given to the man-made resource called MONEY and that we demean the contributions of our dear family in creating love, care, and compassion. My friend was working until she gave birth to her first child and then the second, and she is already made to feel that she is good for nothing as she is sitting at home earning nothing.

We have all given so much importance to money that it devalues the services of a mother, wife or daughter-in-law. Let us ask ourselves, Is money as worthy as what a wife or a mother provides? Have we given so much power to money that we devalue and demean our own loved ones’ contributions to our lives? Is earning money for the family the only contribution anyone can make?

Money is a resource that we have that fulfils our needs, just like water, earth, fire, etc.. We are yet to comprehend the importance of nature-made resources, but money has raced ahead to take the first place on the stage that it just doesn’t allow us to look around and value the invaluable service our loved ones are doing for us. 

The woman, who is now the mother, is feeding and nurturing your own biological children, but you end up questioning what’s your contribution. The women also may be caring for your own parents, but you ask, what’s your contribution? The woman is keeping the home clean and cooking for you at home, and she’s asked what your contribution is. Let alone what other say, even the woman starts to believe that I am worthless since I am not contributing. Then, what is she doing when she is cooking with love, caring for the kids, making the house into a home or creating a safe place for her family to reside peacefully? 

The woman is waiting for the man or the others in the family to approve and validate her actions, but is she validating or approving herself? Does she believe she is worthy and invaluable? If she doesn’t believe in herself, then what hope is left that the others will see her efforts?  She also ends up believing money is more important than herself. 

Now it’s time for you women to begin to stand up for yourself, or money will win the battle. Now, it’s time for you men to stand up for your women, or money will win the battle. And you know money can’t buy love, family or happiness. 

If you have anything to counter or add, kindly share on whats app to 9845351105 or comment here.

Does history really repeat itself or we choose to repeat it?

I went to a friend's house and she has a son who is 4 years old. When I greeted her and went into her house, she introduced her son to me and told the son "Say Hi to aunty", and the child did not say. Instead he looked distracted. She again told him to say hi to me. He didn't want to. She was almost getting irritated and I had to tell her, its ok for him to not say hi to me. Let him feel free to be himself.

As children we were taught many rules of the society and that of the family. They could be rules like ‘you must respect adults’ or ‘don’t back answer’ or ‘you should be nice to people’ or ‘parents know what is good for you, so listen to them’, or ‘be strong and don’t cry’ or ‘don’t take your problems outside the four walls’, bla bla bla…….. 

And when you got scolded for making a mistake (so natural), you were told ‘silly people make mistakes’ and so you decided ‘I am not good or smart enough’ or ‘I am silly or stupid’. If your sibling came along and you felt your parents gave more love and care to them and so, you assumed, ‘I’m not loved or appreciated enough’, when you went to school and teacher did not smile at you but smiled at your friend, you said ‘people are unfair’ and so you either decided ‘I need to fight to survive’ or ‘I don’t deserve love’. When your parents gave you less money than you wanted, you would have been disappointed and said to yourself, ‘there is never enough money’, or ‘when I grow up, I’ll earn lots of money’, etc, etc, etc…..

If your parents gave you everything you wanted, sometimes even before you asked, you felt obliged to make them happy by studying well but somehow you forgot what you studied, and so got less marks, you felt guilty and assumed ‘my parents are doing so much for me, but I can’t make them happy and so I’m a let-down’ or ‘life always lets me down’. 

 

And ultimate is in the 6th grade, when your friend shared your secret with another classmate or got another bestest friend, you got sad or angry and declared that ‘nobody can be trusted’ and you still believe it because more people did this to you. 

 

So, whether you didn’t get what you wanted or you got everything you wanted, you still made certain decisions at that time which may have helped you move away from threat or negativity. You did not know any other way to handle it. But now, you know many more ways to resolve your issues, isn’t it? Then, why do you still have to believe or hold on to this decision you made long long time back? It is because the past decisions have stored in your brain and body and makes you believe as if that is “reality”. And since you have hundreds of evidences of that being true (still it is happening), you get gripped by the thought as not a thought but as “reality”. And so even now, the same things are happening around you. It’s as if you got addicted to those thoughts and beliefs and so you don’t want to lose them. Without awareness, you are allowing your future also to be like the past. Means, your past keeps repeating in your life and you live in a vicious circle. 

 

If you want to break the vicious circle, alter your circumstances and change your life patterns, you first need to shift your view about reality. What you think is reality, is often your beliefs playing out around you. It's the programmed neuron firing in your brain for the stimulus outside. That's when we react, to survive the threat since the neuron is programmed for that. Yes, you are that powerful to cause your thoughts into reality. All you have to do is choose the thoughts that you want to turn into reality. So lets choose.... 

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