A friend of mine came over to my house. Her husband was supposed to pick her up sometime, so I asked her if she had enough time to drink tea, and she said she could. So I went to prepare tea. As the tea was prepared and I was about to serve, she got a call from her husband and he said I am coming to pick you up now, come out of the house and it is urgent. So she panicked and said 'I am so sorry, I cannot drink tea'. I said he would take 2 minutes to come, you stand out and drink your tea. And I went out to see if he had arrived. But by then my friend had already gulped the hot tea and I was shocked. She said he would be angry if I didn't listen to him and she ran down. He came only after another couple of minutes. By then she would have leisurely drank tea and calmly waited outside. This example was that of a wife, but this could happen vice versa too. The husband might be fearful of the wife.
Pause for a while and ask yourself what would you have done in such a situation.
My other question here is who is the victim and who is the perpetrator. Initially, I felt angry with the husband, but deeper deliberation told me that he was not responsible. It was my friend who was responsible for her emotions for panicking unnecessarily. All she had to do was, when the husband called and said it was urgent, she had to communicate to him that tea was prepared and I would drink it and be there in 5 minutes. This communication would have created an understanding. Then she could have drank tea standing out watching out for his arrival.
This episode made me realise that many women who complain about their spouses or are afraid of communicating are clear that it is hard to communicate with their spouses. They sit with "He won't listen" or "he won't understand", "he will scold", etc..... They either submit to that or they resist and fight it. Both create resentment over a period of time and they continue to blame the spouse in their minds or openly gossip about it. And this makes them a victim.
So, ask yourself this question, am I living a life of a victim and blaming my spouse for the way my life turned out?
