THE DREAM THAT WOKE ME UP
I have arrived at Mangalore, my in-law's place. I reach home and I see my brother-in-law getting ready to leave for the town. I request him to wait for me so that I too can be dropped. But by the time I get freshened and come out, I notice that he is not there. I ask the security, and he says that my brother-in-law has left. I am disappointed and look around me to find my car standing near the edge of the valley.
I am super surprised as to how my car came there, but at the same time, I don't want to think of how it came there. So, I go near and open the pillion door and sit in the pillion seat and look at the driver seat. Immediately I realize, "Arrey, I only have to drive if I have to reach the town". As I jump to the driver's seat, I see that the car is falling down the valley. Fear grips me, but that is when I realize I have to hold the steering wheel and drive my car. And the moment I hold the steering wheel, I experience my car being pulled up. With astonishment, I look up and see a frail angel in a white gown pulling me up with extraordinary strength. The angel lifts me up the mountain and parks me on the top in front of a temple and disappears.
That's when I wake up and open my eyes and realize I was dreaming.
I could have just left it there saying that it was a stupid dream. But somehow I wanted to take this dream seriously and so I called up a friend and shared the dream. My friend who is very curious about all this suggests we meet and discuss it. I meet him and when we discuss, a new world of my present life and the choices and decisions I have to make for myself open up.
This was the year 2014 and I was to make a decision of granting my husband (ex) the divorce that he was wanting. And I was unwilling to give since I thought I loved him. But more than love, I was consumed by anger and resentment towards him as to "How dare he treat me like this?". And I wanted to screw up his life too as I was blaming him for my then situation. I wanted him to realize my worth and come back to me. In short, I was expecting him to be the driver of my life. And hence my life wasn't working.
And this dream was telling me to own up my life and occupy the driver's seat of my own life. I was not willing to do that as I doubted my own strength. But the frail angel who pulled me up was non-other than me myself whose strength I hadn't believed in. But the angel pulling me up showed that there was sufficient strength and courage in me to pull myself up without him. The car being there was an indication that life and the universe are guiding me and I just had to trust the process of life and let go of the man in my life who did not want me.
That is when I got in touch with my own strength, I got woken up to a new life that I can craft if I release my husband and allow him also to live a life he wants. I realized that to love is to allow the other person to find their happiness the way they want it. And I just sent a message to my husband that I am willing to grant him the divorce he wanted.
Today, one of the decisions I am very glad I took is the above. I am happy I could allow myself and him to build our lives the way we wanted. Till one year after that, I was sad as I felt I was cutting out something from my own self. But that was my pain that I had to experience, and I knew I had the ability to feel and heal, which I eventually did. I emerged happier, gentler, and more lovable with having discovered a well of compassion in me.
Now I am clear that everything that happens in and around me gives me an opportunity to learn from it or to complain about it. I chose to learn and will continue to do so..
What did you learn from this expression of mine?
What would you choose as learning and take back for your life?
Please comment and help all to grow.
Padmashree (BhavTharang)
