Desire to protect

 “The more you are protected, the more fearful you become. The more you protect someone, the more fear you instil in them” 

And their ability to protect themselves reduces. 

Today morning I heard a screeching sound of our cat and I went out to see a big cat attacking our cat. I saw my cat on the corner of the stair withdrawing with so much fear for 30 seconds and then jump out of the compound. Parallelly my brother came out and shoved off the big cat. 

Then I started to think whether we at home have made our cat so soft (by caring too much) that it’s ability to protect itself from the outside world is diminished? Is this how we are raising our children too? By saying “don’t trust others”, “don’t go out”, “think 100 times before you do anything”, “this is a big, bad world”, “don’t do this and that”…… 

We all know too much of fear, sadness, anger or any negative emotion brings about imbalance in life. But how about too much of positive emotions like love, too much of care and affection that we show to our children and end up taking all decisions for them and don’t allow them to fail and feel hurt? Like I’ve heard parents say “I don’t want my child to struggle as much as I did”. I’ve also seen parents amassing property such that their children may not suffer? Is this helping? It’s raising fear and anxiety levels in us. 

This “too much” of care in the name of protecting children and pets could be one of the causes of anxiety and depression when they face the real world. Parents telling children “I know better how the world is and so listen to me” is proving to be a demotivation for children to explore and develop courage and resilience. Some children go timid with this or too rebellious on the other side. They put themselves into many troubles to prove to themselves that they are strong and can protect themselves. Look if you also are at the impact of this and check your beliefs. 

In reality if you think, we all are born with innate capacity to survive and thrive. Our children and pets too are born with that. All we need to do is trust that ability in them and allow them to taste the struggles and failures and let them learn how to deal with them. Just like a bird pushes its young one out of the nest so that it learns to fly. Because the bird know that protecting its young one for long reduces its capacity to survive in the real world. 

So my dear adults, parents, teachers and friends, let’s trust the ability to survive and protect ourselves that we all possess and be open to face any threat with courage and resilience. So, educate them to protect themselves and if needed, ask for help.  Of course you can anyways be around if it goes extreme and help them if they ask.

A day of courage to you 🤗

- Padmashree 

THE DREAM THAT WOKE ME UP

THE DREAM THAT WOKE ME UP

I wake up on a bed inside the first floor of a double-decker bus. I realize it's morning and my destination has arrived. I get down from the bed and look for my slippers to wear. I see one slipper only and my pair is missing. I search for it and I don't find it. I find another slipper there which is bigger, but I choose to wear that and alight the bus.

I have arrived at Mangalore, my in-law's place. I reach home and I see my brother-in-law getting ready to leave for the town. I request him to wait for me so that I too can be dropped. But by the time I get freshened and come out, I notice that he is not there. I ask the security, and he says that my brother-in-law has left. I am disappointed and look around me to find my car standing near the edge of the valley. 

I am super surprised as to how my car came there, but at the same time, I don't want to think of how it came there. So, I go near and open the pillion door and sit in the pillion seat and look at the driver seat. Immediately I realize, "Arrey, I only have to drive if I have to reach the town". As I jump to the driver's seat, I see that the car is falling down the valley. Fear grips me, but that is when I realize I have to hold the steering wheel and drive my car. And the moment I hold the steering wheel, I experience my car being pulled up. With astonishment, I look up and see a frail angel in a white gown pulling me up with extraordinary strength. The angel lifts me up the mountain and parks me on the top in front of a temple and disappears. 

That's when I wake up and open my eyes and realize I was dreaming. 

I could have just left it there saying that it was a stupid dream. But somehow I wanted to take this dream seriously and so I called up a friend and shared the dream. My friend who is very curious about all this suggests we meet and discuss it. I meet him and when we discuss, a new world of my present life and the choices and decisions I have to make for myself open up. 

This was the year 2014 and I was to make a decision of granting my husband (ex) the divorce that he was wanting. And I was unwilling to give since I thought I loved him. But more than love, I was consumed by anger and resentment towards him as to "How dare he treat me like this?". And I wanted to screw up his life too as I was blaming him for my then situation. I wanted him to realize my worth and come back to me. In short, I was expecting him to be the driver of my life. And hence my life wasn't working.

And this dream was telling me to own up my life and occupy the driver's seat of my own life. I was not willing to do that as I doubted my own strength. But the frail angel who pulled me up was non-other than me myself whose strength I hadn't believed in. But the angel pulling me up showed that there was sufficient strength and courage in me to pull myself up without him. The car being there was an indication that life and the universe are guiding me and I just had to trust the process of life and let go of the man in my life who did not want me.

That is when I got in touch with my own strength, I got woken up to a new life that I can craft if I release my husband and allow him also to live a life he wants. I realized that to love is to allow the other person to find their happiness the way they want it. And I just sent a message to my husband that I am willing to grant him the divorce he wanted. 

Today, one of the decisions I am very glad I took is the above. I am happy I could allow myself and him to build our lives the way we wanted. Till one year after that, I was sad as I felt I was cutting out something from my own self. But that was my pain that I had to experience, and I knew I had the ability to feel and heal, which I eventually did. I emerged happier, gentler, and more lovable with having discovered a well of compassion in me.

Now I am clear that everything that happens in and around me gives me an opportunity to learn from it or to complain about it. I chose to learn and will continue to do so.. 

What did you learn from this expression of mine? 

What would you choose as learning and take back for your life?

Please comment and help all to grow.

Padmashree (BhavTharang)

Who has trapped you?

"Life is a jail" is a cliched phrase that we keep hearing. Hasn't that phrase trapped us more? Some people just succumb to this and say "this is my destiny" and some people fight it saying "I am strong and can break the jail". And both get tired eventually and feel more trapped. But what is all this about being trapped? Even though we feel we are in jail, don't we have everything required to live inside the jail? What is that hand desperately reaching out for? Is the bread (nourishment) inside or outside? 

When I first saw this picture, I wondered whether the bread is in or out. It has been 6 months since I saw this picture and even today it makes me wonder about the inside and outside mystery. Further analysis of the picture says that since the shadow is falling on the bread, it may be outside and the person inside a room. Then my mind says, maybe the bread is inside the room and the person is standing outside. Uffff... there is no end to this analysis. But do I need to solve this mystery? How would that help? Would I be out of the trap if I solve the mystery? 

Let me share a very funny but life-changing incident that happened today with my son (he is 15). I drop him at school every day in the morning and during the drive a week back, I was sharing about the green headlights that the vehicles were projecting during the day. He said, "Amma, that's not green, that's white". I said, "No, that's green. How can that be white? Your color sense is gone haywire". My son went on saying white, and I went on saying green. Then I thought that he is being stubborn and righteous. But I had no energy to argue with him and so became silent. This happened for the next 2 days too.

Today, when we were driving, I also saw the lights as white and wondered what had changed. I realized that I was not wearing my goggles 😀. The lights were looking green to me since I was wearing my driving goggles. Oh my goodness... I realized, all this time it was I who was being stubborn and righteous, not my son. I was trapped inside the jail of my goggles which I had forgotten that I was wearing. And I shared this with my son and really understood the patience he showed in accepting my righteousness. 

This incident is funny but thought-provoking and deep-rooted. I realized the degree to which I have jailed and trapped myself inside these views, beliefs, and perceptions. That awareness brought relief to me.

We are anyways trapped inside the body that we possess. That's a pre-requisite to living on this planet right? And we are born into a culture and religion our parents belong to and the country our community belongs to. And so we grow up with those beliefs, values, and morals of those people around us. We don't even realize when we start to own up those beliefs and values as our own, as if we (I) made them. And we fight and break our relationships to defend those beliefs. We forget humanity to prove our beliefs are right. Absurd isn't it?

But this is the jail we have put ourselves into as human beings and it's not wrong. And we don't need to even fight to come out of that jail. All that is needed is to become aware that those views and beliefs are the specs and goggles that we are wearing and that can be removed. Just like I became aware of my goggles and why the lights were looking green. Isn't this funny and profound? 

A bright day and life to all..........